Category Archives: humor

My Astro-Twins

I was already interested in astrology when I was a teen, and my astro-twins (those born on the same day) were classmates.  We share prominent Capricorn and Taurus planets with notable things in common but also striking differences.

I just found one of my astro-twins online.  He was recently named the CEO of a major snack-food company.  I can’t even eat that stuff.  And while I feel I’m a good manager, I’d be barfing all the way to the bank with a corporate position.  But he’s been working his way toward the top since high school.

According to Salary.com, this astro-twin earned nearly $3.5 million in 2015 alone, with salary, bonus and stock options.  I won’t earn a fraction of that in my entire work history!  To me, a large sum of money is a responsibility in itself:  investing it, talking to accountants, lawyers, etc.  A complication of life.  And then you just end up buying things.  And I suppose hiring other people to help you out and maintain your lifestyle.

I don’t have this guy’s time of birth.  One of my best friends was a secret admirer of his.  Is that a coincidence or perhaps her intuitive understanding of potential compatibility?  (After all, she got along with me and I have a very similar horoscope.)

I also knew the other astro-twin when I was young.  She had Scorpio rising (I have late Aries, so she was kind of the opposite).  She was a dancer who earned money exercising horses.  I always loved horses and had taken riding lessons through the Girl Scouts when I was a kid.  I had also been taking dance classes for years.  We met through studying with the same singing teacher and once sang in a gospel chorus together.  So we shared a lot of interests.  And like me, she was on a more creative track than our corporate counterpart.  But there were some obvious differences: the singing teacher shared that the twin had stiffed her for payments, which came as a shock.

The dancer had a more common name, and I don’t know what became of her.  Can’t find her online.

I liked both of these people personally – does that make me narcissistic?

My New Evangeline Adams Novel!

I’m thrilled to announce the publication of The Precious Pachyderm, my new mystery novel featuring Evangeline Adams. Scroll down for more. You can also read my article about how I got the idea for this book.

The Precious Pachyderm

Manhattan, 1926. A wealthy businessman found dead. A priceless elephant figurine from an extravagant Indian prince gone missing. And famous astrologer Evangeline Adams is a primary suspect. To save their jobs, Adams’ assistants Mary Adler and Clara Cosentino investigate the astrologer’s classy clients, oddball employees and offbeat associates to help discover who really committed the crime. And Evangeline solves her first case with the help of astrology in this funny, fast-paced whodunit.
Buy Kindle versionThe Precious Pachyderm (An Evangeline Adams Mystery Book 1)
Buy print version

The Retrograde Diaries – Episode 17

Mercury stationed and went retrograde this week, and I’ve already experienced the typical mix-ups, mishaps and confusion it so often brings. Minor annoyances, yes, but they do add up.

I was first in line at the greengrocer, but my cashier turned to help out her colleague. After five minutes, a third line opened up, so I switched. As I walked across the floor, another woman purposely ran in front of me to get to the register first! When she did, she gave me a wide grin, very pleased with her success. Mercury retrograde’s sense of displacement seemed to work better for her than for me.

I wanted to copy a few pages from a library book when I returned it. However the machine was turned off and no librarian was at the desk. I spent several minutes and finally found the button to turn it on, then waited at least five minutes for it to warm up. I wasn’t sure it was working – why was it turned off? I was impatient to leave and didn’t want to wade through the many instructions necessary to make a simple copy. Remember when it was simple? But Mercury retrograde can make things appear more complicated.

A bird pooped on my jacket and I didn’t notice it until I got home and it was dry. I did get it off. But Mercury retrograde may also relate to hitting an unintended target since accuracy is a Mercurial trait.

I sat on my glasses and went to the optician for a repair. I ended up going back a second and even a third time. Each time a different technician was there, though no one seemed to have the skills to do this task properly. Repair should be an appropriate Mercury retrograde “re” word, but this shop is under new management and does not appear to do a good job. Or is it just Mercury retrograde?

I needed to send an item by Federal Express and called to be sure I had the proper instructions. The representative was so generic in his response, I thought he was a machine! I embarrassed myself by telling it that I wanted a real person. He assured me he was human, but his response was still so glib and general, I wasn’t convinced I had the correct information and needed to call again.

We’re only in the first week of the retrograde – I’m sure there’s more to come!

The Signs and Bureaucracy

We tend to favor aspects over signs these days. But the quality of the signs themselves can be very revealing and help us anticipate what’s to come.

Last week, I stopped into a downtown bank to pick up forms to be added to my mom’s account. I was told that she must come in with me. Since my mother has severe arthritis and rarely leaves the house, this was impossible. The banker then said we could put a Power of Attorney on the account. I already had a general Power of Attorney and said I’d bring that in.

I decided to go the following day, with the Moon in Scorpio and flowing lunar aspects that I hoped would help me. I went to a local branch armed with my Power of Attorney.

The banker there was the epitome of Scorpio, wanting to control everything about our relationship. While a nicely dressed, calm and well-spoken young man, he argued that my mother needed to come in, that I must use their form and that the other branch had given me incorrect information. He finally agreed to scan my POA and e-mail it to their legal department for review. While we waited, he reiterated his very “fixed” plan for me. But my POA ended up being approved! I simply needed to fill out a short form with my signature notarized. However the banker was undaunted, continuing to insist that the best thing would be to do it his, more involved and complicated, way. When pressed, he informed me that everything would be saved online and I’d only need to drop off the new form. He then gave me unsolicited advice about my need to get up-to-date and do all of my banking online. I finally left with my form after 45 minutes at the bank.

I waited several days to return to the downtown branch with flowing aspects and a Sagittarius Moon. Another well-spoken, well-dressed young man stepped up to help me. Like a breath of fresh air, he was friendly, open and responsive, seeming to want to expand our relationship. Good. However he proceeded to inform me that he had to re-do all the work of the previous clerk. While he did so and we waited for approval, he asked about my living situation and digressed about his plans to buy an apartment, his divorce and his own personal investment options – too much information! Typical Sagittarius. All proceeded smoothly, though this time the visit took nearly an hour. More “expansive,” all around as we’d say in astrologese.

He then gave me a sales pitch to open a new account for myself. I politely declined, putting on my jacket to escape. Despite the different flavors of Scorpio and Sagittarius Moons, bureaucracy is still bureaucracy and this bank had it at every turn.

The Retrograde Diaries — Episode 6

It’s not just you! I admit I can be a little absent-minded. But absent-mindedness doesn’t explain the confusion I experience under Mercury retrograde. We’re in it again from September 18 to October 9, 2015. Here are some recent incidents:

An agency sent me a PDF attachment to print and sign. I did not receive it. They tried three times, and it was not in the usual Spam folder they expected. Lost somewhere in cyberspace! They finally faxed it to me, and it looked so bad I needed to retype the whole form. Neither of us knew what happened. Re-try and re-do are Mercury retrograde keywords, but it’s always a little annoying.

I’d written to the U.S. Immigration Service for my grandmother’s records: I requested a search, they found her file and told me the number. I then paid for the records they’d found. I finally received a form letter from them saying there were no records! A typical Mercury retrograde mix-up. I followed-up with an e-mail and actually got a phone call in return, which I missed. The woman had left me a voice message with her phone number, but her name was garbled. I called back and left a message but have not heard from her since. A woman from the National Archives who’d recently been helpful confirmed that the file did exist and suggested I write a manager.

My e-mail said it was temporarily not recognized by my sister’s server. I sent the note to another address but she got both of them anyway.

On the plus side: I put a $10 bill into the machine to pump up my library card account. It read it as $20! In this Pluto in Capricorn world, dealing with all the bureaucracy has become extremely complicated. I would’ve tried to correct it, but it’s just too much trouble. Not under Mercury retrograde.

I just heard an NPR article on the science of mis-communication! Wonderful timing. Their answer is that we all make unwarranted assumptions. But obviously Mercury retrograde has something to do with it. Be forewarned!

The Retrograde Diaries — Episode 5

Is it Episode 5 already? Or only Episode 4? Actually, it’s probably Episode 100+, I just haven’t written them all down yet.

I continue to feel the stress and strain of Mercury retrograde. The current one may be more confusing with Mercury also squaring Neptune. Here are a few of my typically mixed-up Mercury retrograde experiences of the past few weeks.

I went to see the eye doctor. The receptionist was speaking on a headphone and I couldn’t tell if she was talking to me or the person on the phone. Our conversation was a typical Mercury retrograde communications challenge:

She: Can I have your referral?
Me: I don’t need a referral with this insurance.
She: Let me see your Medicaid card then.
Me: It’s not Medicaid. I have a regular Obamacare policy. You should have it in your system.
She: We need your referral.
Me: I don’t need a referral with this policy. Last time it went through with no problem. (Of course, the last time – no Mercury retrograde!)
She: Well, we have to have it to protect ourselves. Who is your primary care physician?
Me: I don’t have one right now.

More questions seemed to follow, but I soon realized she was again talking to her mouthpiece phone and not to me. I sat back down. A little while later she called me again as she couldn’t find me in the system. Then she realized that my insurance had my middle initial but they did not. Why this should be such a problem, I don’t know.

The receptionist was updating her database, which is a good Mercury retrograde task, but she was also speaking too loud since she had the headphones on. She was very pro-active and continued to loudly call out to other patients, apparently having difficulty verifying their insurance as well. One had to confirm her address and birthday. Another her birth place.

There were no problems with my appointment and everything went smoothly. Until I made a follow-up appointment and the receptionist warned that next time I really MUST bring a referral!

Get It?

I woke up and turned on the radio. The BBC was interviewing some foreign English speakers and I couldn’t understand a word. I changed the station and found a preachy Sunday sermon that put me back to sleep. I’m suddenly getting all kinds of calls from survey-takers and recorded marketers. I recently wrote some checks that bounced.

Of course, these kinds of things could happen any time. But why all of them at once? And why now? This month, Mercury squares Neptune, turns retrograde, then squares Neptune again. This is an astrological influence well beyond your typical Mercury retrograde mishaps and misunderstandings. And it’ll repeat itself all over again when Mercury turns direct in June and squares Neptune once again.

But now that we’re aware of it, we can try really hard to be sure we understand exactly what’s going on. Mercury is in Gemini, so logic should prevail. Neptune is in Pisces, so our intuition can be strong, too. It’s the point where they intersect that creates blind spots.

Repeat back what someone told you, just in case. Double check the e-mail recipients before clicking “send.” Print out the directions – don’t assume you’ll remember them. And write down your dreams – they’ll make more sense later on!

The Retrograde Diaries

I was reminded this morning that the effect of Mercury retrograde begins before the exact retrograde phase you see in your ephemeris. It starts when Mercury slows down before moving backward. Mercury retrograde can make us change our minds, change our plans and may create miscommunications or failed functioning. Get ready for the next three weeks!

We woke up to heavy snow – 6 to 8” projected – which they had predicted the day before to begin in the afternoon and total only 2-3”. Yes, the highly respected and well-paid weather forecasters had been incorrect once again. I realized that my appointment would cancel due to weather. I looked at my phone and he had already called — I had just not heard the ring. At that moment he called again. I also had to reschedule my mother’s doctor’s appointment for the next day, the one she had postponed from the previous month.

My husband, who had a severe toothache the morning before (a recurrence of a long-ago issue), had felt much better and hoped to avoid a visit to the dentist. But early this morning it began again. When he called the dentist’s office, they, too, had had a cancellation and told him he could come right in. (Sometimes Mercury retrograde does work in our favor!)

I went to the store. At checkout, there was a delay. The lady ahead of me needed to wait for the manager to complete her transaction. The only cashier had to sign onto another register to help me. This machine, she advised, would not take credit cards. But she also had trouble signing on. She then found that the scanner would not work. By this time the manager was through (and the other customer needed to return later to pick-up her order). We went back to the first register and things proceeded smoothly from there. Mechanical mishegoss is a hallmark of Mercury retrograde, as are incomplete transactions.

I returned home and soon found the elevator repairman at my door. It became obvious that he had only a remedial command of English. However he communicated the following: “Your husband… eight… oil…” Yes! I understood. He’d come back. A few weeks before there had been an oil delivery – eight jugs were left with my husband since the super had gone home (how could I forget them in my hallway?). I sent the repairman to the super and he understood. Sometimes we come back to a previous project after Mercury turns retro, and we may have to work harder at communicating.

This encounter also reflects Venus retrograde (just turning direct yesterday, but still felt since it, too, is moving more slowly than usual as it changes direction). While I don’t have much of a relationship with the elevator repairman, he appears once a month to check things out. I’d considered him rude in the past, but now I had gotten to know him better and realized that he just did not understand the language. Both my mind and my feelings had changed. Watch for these types of things this week as Venus begins to pick up speed and Mercury continues slowing down – a bit of a double whammy.

Santa is a Capricorn

For years it’s been suggested that Santa Claus is Sagittarius.  His plump physique, his worldwide travels, his beloved reindeer and his generosity have led many to this erroneous conclusion.

However, Father Christmas is always depicted with a staff – just like old man Saturn.  Santa’s old.  How old, you ask?  As Kris Kringle in the classic movie tale, Miracle on 34th Street, he says he’s “as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth.”  He’s OLD!  Take that white hair and that long beard, for instance – we’re talking ancient.  Santa was already old when we were all kids, even for the most senior of us.  And he’s still got his teeth, God love him.  Who but a Capricorn would still have all his teeth at that age?Capricorn

Remember that Santa visits us right at the beginning of Capricorn.  Kids write to him, they visit him, they sit on his KNEE.  He plans ahead all year for the big night.  Santa organizes an incredible enterprise – hundreds, maybe thousands of elves work under his supervision.  Any other CEO would let the peons do all the work – not Santa!  It’s the shortest day of the year and he’s out there making personal deliveries all night long.  Carrying that heavy sack when he could easily get someone else to do it for him.  The dedication!  The commitment!  The consummate control of the reindeer sleigh and priceless cargo!  Still wearing that same classic suit after all these years.

And let’s not forget that Santa is not all sweetness and light, as some advocates for a Sagittarian Santa would have you believe.  He can be harsh.  Some kids do get coal, you know.

Astro Twins

Astro-twins are two people who share the same birthday – day and year – not necessarily the same time of birth.  All the planets in the two horoscopes will be conjunct.  If we look back to our youthful days we’re more likely to find people we know with the same birth date.

I went out with my sister’s astro-twin for a while.  I guess he felt very comfortable to me – although not the other way around as he soon broke it off.  One of my best friends had a crush on my astro-twin.  He seemed like a nice guy, but neither of us ever got to know him very well.  I can only imagine that what she liked in me she saw in him, too.

I had the same singing teacher as another of my astro-twins.  She was a dancer and earned money horseback riding and I had also done both.  I later learned that she left town owing the teacher a bit of money, but I always paid on time.  Go figure.

A young Al H. Morrison married his astro-twin – they were born about 12 hours apart.  (This was before he became interested in astrology, and if anything, he was then a skeptic.)  He later complained that after a year it was “like masturbating.”  From which I take it that he needed stimulation from someone less like himself.  This may have been especially true since he had a Libra Moon.  It’s hard to balance one scale with another one.  The relationship didn’t last. 

Evangeline Adams’ astro-twin (2/8/1868) was Baron Lionel Walter Rothschild, a British zoologist.  Evangeline, too, always loved animals, but was never able to attain the noble title to which her Leo Moon naturally aspired.

I’ve generally liked other Capricorn people, while I’ve noticed that when Aries are together they tend to fight.  It seems to me that Scorpios and Leos marry each other the most often of the signs.  The Leos have a mutual admiration society and the Scorpios must enjoy the emotional resonance.